Reading Think Faster, Talk Smarter by Matt Abrahams reminded me that good communication is not just about what you say. It’s about how you make people feel while you’re saying it.
One of the final ideas in the book stood out more than any technique or structure:
“People do not remember every word you say. They remember how connected they felt while you were saying it.”
In classrooms, staff meetings, hallway check-ins, and even moments of conflict or correction, what lasts is not the script. It is the sense of sincerity. The tone. The eye contact. The feeling that someone was fully present. Sometimes I’ve done this well, and at other times, I’ve failed majorly.
Abrahams calls this “communicating with connection.” He does not mean being overly emotional or performative. He means being real. Dropping the mask. Speaking clearly, but also kindly. Using stories. Asking questions. Listening for more than just a pause in the conversation so you can respond. It is about treating the other person like they matter, not just the message.
The best speakers and leaders I know do not always speak in perfect sound bites. But they make you feel like you are part of something. That feeling comes from trust, and trust comes from connection.
This is especially important in the spontaneous moments — when someone asks an unexpected question, when you are called on in a meeting, or when a student or staff member opens up with something you were not prepared to respond to. In those moments, you do not need a perfect answer. You need presence.
I am trying to lean into that more. Less pressure to say the ideal thing. More focus on showing up with warmth and clarity. Sometimes that means slowing down. Sometimes it means saying, “I don’t know, but I’ll find out.” Sometimes it means asking one more question instead of rushing to fix.
I’m working on not needing to be perfect… and instead, simply being fully present.
Mr. Zerwas Teaches Here 